Can I ask you a personal question?

The State of Work  

To probably no one’s surprise, according to a 2023 Pew Research study, job satisfaction has decreased with each generation, with ⅔ of those 65+ being extremely or very satisfied with their jobs compared to just 44% of those 18 to 29. While the study doesn’t elaborate, there are probably a few factors coming into play here. For one, older generations have been dramatically less exposed to social media and are thus less privy to the comparison trap. They’ve also been working for four decades and have been able to figure out the best-fit work for them, not to mention they’re at the end of their careers and have generally already accomplished a lot of the things we still yearn for. 

Regardless of generation, McKinsey found that 77% of employees say their sense of purpose in life is defined by their work. According to Deloitte’s recent survey of 22,800 Gen Zs and Millennials across 44 countries, the #1 most important factor in job satisfaction for both groups is having a sense of purpose tied to their work (this is true for 86% of Gen Zs and 96% of Millennials). Other research has found that additional significant factors include a sense of autonomy,  potential for career progression (91% of Millennials), and your relationship with your manager. 

And while the notion of the dream job runs strong, it might be comforting to know that only 10% of Americans claim to be working in their dream job. 

Is the dream job notion hurting us? 

In 2023, women made up 47% of the US labor force, but only 35% of the workers in the 10 highest-paying occupations were women (remember the gendered component of “greedy jobs” we discussed in our first post?). Looking at some of these roles, women make up just 38% of physicians, 29% of chief executives, and 40% of lawyers. While we won’t get into the reasons for that today, what we will dissect is our gendered work aspirations. 

We’ve probably all been asked the “As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?” question. According to LinkedIn’s survey of 8,000 professionals, the top answers among boys were: Professional or Olympic Athlete, Pilot, Scientist, Lawyer, Astronaut. And among girls they were: Teacher, Veterinarian, Writer/Journalist/Novelist, Doctor/Nurse/EMT, Singer.

What’s interesting here is that girls’ dream jobs are primarily in service of caring for others. Girls’ dream jobs have a empathetic element to them that boys’ dream jobs lack. As we get older, it’s not crazy to hypothesize that while the specific profession we aim for might change, the feeling that we should be doing something in service of improving others’ lives remains. And so we might find ourselves both feeling less satisfied because we aren’t doing enough good and being paid less as we pursue careers that serve others more than ourselves. 

Of course, this is simply a hypothesis. But based on my purely anecdotal experiences, it feels to me like my female friends are much more likely to talk about not loving their jobs than our male counterparts. I’m not sure if it’s because women actually like our jobs less, or because there’s more societal pressure on men to provide financially and thus loving their jobs isn’t part of their career expectations and so they think about it and talk about it less. And on the flip side, perhaps the societal expectation of women to provide emotionally leaves us feeling guilty when our work doesn’t align with that. 

When dreams change 

According to a 2017 Stanford study, another problem with the advice to “find your passion” (aka “discover your dream job”) is that it narrows your mindset by implying that there is only one thing out there for you. 

Further, it sets people up for failure in that it sounds like figuring out your one true purpose in life will be easy, when the reality is that it’s far from that. What ends up happening is that people feel this immense pressure to figure out their one thing, and get disenchanted when they can’t. In their words, "urging people to find their passion may lead them to put all their eggs in one basket but then to drop that basket when it becomes difficult to carry."

Additionally, there’s the question of what’s next if you do eventually find that dream job. Oftentimes, what we think is our dream job actually isn’t. Or if it is, we might find ourselves feeling a sense of disappointment that the road to the dream job is over. This is a classic case of the journey being more exciting than the destination. 

So should we not have dream jobs?

Not necessarily. Having something you’re working toward is generally a good thing. Career goals keep us engaged and motivated to challenge ourselves, grow, and work in the pursuit of something (vs. working to…just work). But when we put so much emphasis on finding a dream job, we might get too caught up in the stress of not knowing exactly what we want to do – or alternatively, get so laser-focused on just one outcome, that we lose sight of the bigger picture. With 77% of us tying our purpose in life to our work, it’s important that we are able to find meaning in our present work (in addition to our future work). And it would probably benefit us – especially as women who already make 82 cents to the white man’s dollar – to not accept being underpaid in exchange for meaningful work (note: we understand that some professions like teaching and nursing are systematically underpaid, and that’s a whole different problem that won’t get into right now). And finally, as Professor Lan Nguyen Chaplin of Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Business comments, pursuing a dream job leaves out the importance of also chasing a dream life. Rather, it would be wise to chase a “sustainable and purposeful career” that not only gives us meaning at work but also outside of work, for a truly full life. 

Let us know what you think by voting in our poll and leaving an anonymous comment.

  💭 Our two cents

Chances are if you’re reading this, you’re like us: younger millennials in your late twenties or early thirties. And even if you’re not, you can probably relate. While it might feel like we’ve been working forever, we’re still in the first decade of our careers. The average retirement age for women in the US is 63 years old, meaning we still have 3+ more decades of work ahead of us. 

I am someone who absolutely ties my identity to my job. For the past ~10 years, I have felt that the only path to real happiness was to work in my dream job. But I’ve recently found a sense of comfort in acknowledging that I’m not even a fourth of the way through my career, so rather than obsessing about the end result (landing that dream job), I’d be better off focusing my efforts on the process: trying out different things and taking risks to inch closer to that hard-to-grasp dream job. And while I certainly do aim to love my job – and every job has been better than the last – I’ve also realized I can love different jobs for different reasons. Putting so much pressure on myself to find the perfect company with the perfect role and working for the perfect person in the perfect location with the perfect salary is…probably not going to happen and only going to leave me disappointed. 

And to the Stanford study’s point, putting my dream job in such a distinct box with so many specific criteria might actually prevent me from finding that perfect role after all. So how do I move forward? For now, I’ve identified three things that are most important to me in a job, and the goal is to fulfill at least two of them. As I grow in my career, I know those things will shift, but I figure that gives me enough structure to stay somewhat focused, but also enough leeway to give a job that I might not otherwise consider a chance. 

For me, a job will probably never just be a job. It will always be a reflection of who I am. But expecting it to reflect every part of myself - just like expecting any one person to be everyone in my life (which we discussed a few weeks ago) - isn’t going to set me up for success. 

💃 The girls have spoken

See last week’s poll results from So...is my mother-in-law bound to be my mortal enemy? below.

💌 Up Next

That’s all for today! If you liked this edition of Not That Personal, we think one of your friends probably will too – refer one (or two or three) below. ;)

Have something to say? We’d love to hear it – reply to this email or leave an anonymous comment here :) 

Up next: So…what’s actually going on in the honeymoon phase?

💖 S & J