So...why are women expected to never age?

A deep dive into the anti-aging movement and how it impacts women

October 11, 2024

Can I ask you a personal question?

👵 Age isn’t just a number

According to a survey conducted among 2,000 U.S. women, 28% of women aged 18 to 24 regularly worry about signs of aging. Yes, you read that right. We’re talking about almost a third of women who are barely even into adulthood are already worried about looking older. On TikTok, Gen Z is apparently worried they’re “aging like milk” (???). But of course, these stresses get worse with…age. 42% of women 25-34 share the same worries alongside 54% of women 35 to 44. In a society where women really just can’t catch a break, it’s no surprise that the expectations to never age are reserved for just our half of the population. Whereas there’s a popular trope that men get better with age, women are bombarded with “anti-aging” products from their mid-20s through their entire lives, giving us the sense that we get worse with age. The word “anti-aging” in and of itself implies that aging is something to combat, to hide, to reverse. And while it’s inspiring to see a sexy J.Lo at age 50 shaking her rock-hard ass or octogenarian Jane Fonda with glassy skin, hyping up these outlier women’s appearances creates an unrealistic expectation that most of us can’t - and don’t even want to - achieve.

💉 This tight, dewy face ain’t free

As we’ve explored before, “good looks” do not come cheap. One survey found that women will spend up to $225K on their looks throughout their lifetimes, with a quarter of that focused on their faces in the form of creams, serums, oils, facials, peels, and more. Another poll found that over 85% of American women aged 16-75 applied a minimum of 16 products to their face each day. Botox, which many women now begin in their late twenties, costs an average of $466 per treatment. To maintain results, treatment must be repeated roughly every three to four months in perpetuity. Over a decade, that’s just about $15k in Botox alone. And while it costs less per treatment, hair coloring could still easily run you one to two hundred dollars at the salon every other month. So over 20 years, you might start pushing $20k for just color, forget the cut. Not only does the tab never seem to stop growing when it comes to youth-promising products, but neither does the sheer amount of time spent applying them nor energy spent worrying about how much we need them.

🍨 Where are the men’s anti-aging creams?

While men aren’t 100% spared from societally induced aging anxiety, the pressure to maintain a youthful look undoubtedly weighs more heavily on women. With the exception of hair loss, it seems that the majority of male age-related concerns center around health and longevity (looking at you, biohackers) rather than appearance. (And even when it comes to hair, society has little trouble appreciating a silver fox or a bald hottie...) For women, on the other hand, it’s almost all about appearance. Why the difference?

Well, allow us to briefly refer back to our previous post on age gaps:

Historically, men have predominantly been the older partner in relationships. In a society in which men traditionally held more economic power, it was desirable for them to be able to support a household with an established career, which often correlated to higher age. Women, on the other hand, traditionally had less economic opportunities available to them and thus bore significantly more responsibilities within the home. As such, great importance was placed on the ability to successfully bear children, which often correlated to younger age. While both male and female fertility begins to decline in our late thirties, that decline is much steeper and quicker in women.

While gender roles have evolved substantially over the past several centuries and even decades, it’s hard not to see how these dynamics still underlie modern preferences. After all, women are more likely to match up with male partners older than themselves, perhaps seeking maturity and stability. Men, on the other hand, still seem to favor youthful women, who they may see as preferable sexual and reproductive partners. As such, there’s little need for men to keep a hyper-watchful eye on those lines deepening in their foreheads.

🩶 But is gray here to stay?

One potentially saving grace is that it does feel like the tide is starting to turn when it comes to women rejecting “anti-aging” culture and embracing natural aging. When COVID hit and hairdressers fell into the category of non-essential workers, women everywhere were faced with a choice: DIY or ditch the dye. Many went with the latter, and it stuck. And while graying hair used to be a cornerstone of middle age, research shows that women are graying increasingly younger, starting to see gray hairs in their 30s (note: I noticed my first gray sprout at a ripe 27, despite both of my parents going gray in their 40s. For now the little strand passes as a highlight so we’ll leave her alone). For many, including Jennifer Anniston, the “stay gray” movement has been empowering. Whereas gray roots might make you feel self-conscious as it outs you, embracing a fully gray look can give you a sense of confidence - because there’s nothing to hide. 

What we all seem to forget about aging is that it’s technically the goal, isn’t it? We all want to live long, happy lives, which means we’re actually aiming to age. So the more these kinds of trends take off and remind us to celebrate the wrinkles that show how much we’ve laughed and the gray hairs that show how much we’ve lived, the better.

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đź’Ś Up Next

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See you next week ;)

đź’– S & J