“If you can dream it,  you can do it.” - Walt Disney 

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“The only limit to your success is your own imagination.” – Oprah Winfrey

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” – Lucille Ball

“Give off the energy you want to receive / you attract the energy you give off” - Tinx’s words to live by

Can I ask you a personal question?

What’s the deal with manifesting?

In 2006, Rhonda Byrne published the book The Secret (based on the film released earlier that year), which re-introduced the concept of manifesting to the modern masses. (Before her, we can thank Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, 19th-century writer Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Norman Vincent Peale’s 1952 book, “The Power of Positive Thinking"). In her book, she discusses the pseudoscientific Law of Attraction which posits that by focusing on positive thinking and visualization, anyone can attract (i.e., manifest) anything into their life. Since then, the book has sold over 30 million copies and has been translated into 50 languages. But the manifesting craze didn’t stop there. In fact, it’s only gotten more popular in recent years, largely thanks to TikTok. As of May 2023, there were over 52 billion hits on manifestation videos (note: while this is certainly a sizable number, #cats has over 188B hits…context is always important 😉). One of the most popularized TikTok manifestation techniques includes the 369 method, which claims if you write what you’re trying to manifest 3 times when you wake up, 6 times mid-day, and 9 times before bed, it’ll happen). A related practice - vision boarding (8.3B TikTok views) - has also captured the modern woman. And money is pouring into it.  The community-driven mood board startup, The Landing, has raised $6M from some of the most prominent Silicon Valley venture capitalists, including Cowboy Ventures. Interestingly enough, they didn’t start out creating a platform for digital mood board creation but quickly pivoted in that direction after realizing consumers were using their interior design platform to create inspiration boards. In less than 6 months since launch, they’ve amassed over 500K app downloads and over 4 million images uploaded. 

But despite billions of views and millions of dollars pouring into the space, we had to wonder to ourselves - is manifesting legit? Can you really just wish things into existence? This week we’re diving into the research to find out just how much you can really manifest your life. 

Let’s define manifesting. 

Before we get into whether it works, let’s make sure we’re all on the same page. What exactly is manifesting? Simply put, it’s the idea of making aspirational thoughts a reality by thinking them into existence. You might hear it called manifesting, positive visualization, or the Law of Attraction - but it’s all the same. According to Rhonda Byrne, your actions do have to mirror these goals (a la “dress for the job you want, not the one you have”). People manifest all kinds of things - acceptance into a school, landing a dream job, finding a life partner, getting pregnant…the list goes on. Some schools of manifestation thought also get mathematical. You might’ve heard of “angel numbers”, which involve number sequences that have repetition (e.g., 111 or 444) or patterns (e.g., 321). For those who buy into them, they symbolize a sign from a higher power confirming you’re on the right path or affirming your intuition about something. Per most things related to manifesting, the meaning resides within you. I’m not going to get into every sequence, but here’s what numerology says about the following figures: 

• 111 or 1111- Powerful manifestation figure. Make a wish or set an intention when you see this one (e.g., make a wish at 11:11) 

• 444 or 4444 - Symbolizes stabilization. It means you’re on your way to building roots that will last. Keep it up, sista 

• 777 or 7777 - Means good luck, especially around finances! Get ready to start making $$$ 

Angel numbers touch on the piece of manifesting that might be hard for some of us to grasp, assigning what otherwise might be considered a random coincidence to a sign from a universal force. That leads to the final piece about manifesting: manifesting tends to give credit to the universe or a higher power for our good fortune (though of course, you also have a role in it, as you have to call on the universe to make these things happen). So to be clear, manifesting isn’t aimlessly wishing for something, but rather shifting existing cosmic forces in favor of our expressed desires. If you’re rolling your eyes at this, that’s OK. But stay with us just a bit longer.

OK…but does it actually work? 

When it comes to spiritual practices, there’s usually not a black-and-white answer to whether or not something “works”. But fortunately for us, there has been some research into whether manifesting (or at least, the principles associated with it) really leads to positive outcomes. 

The power of positive thinking 

Dr. Martin Seligman, known as the “father of positive psychology”, introduced the concept of learned optimism. He essentially claims that we can rewire our brains to think more positively, which has lasting mental and even physical health benefits. And research backs it up. Optimistic people have been shown to have a lower likelihood of developing heart disease and high blood pressure and lower rates of repeat cardiac events. Maybe this has to do with being less stressed, which we know has negative physical health impacts on our body. Or perhaps this is related to optimistic people being less likely to avoid or ignore health risks and concerns, and more focused on seeking support and/or reframing such situations in a positive light. In other words, optimistic people have more of an intrinsic motivation to improve their circumstances, thus leading to…better circumstances. So when it comes to manifesting, it’s not so hard to see that those who believe they have the power to improve their lives actually do. Why? Because when they believe in it, they start subconsciously taking action to realize those goals. 

The power of visualization 

Related, there is also research that shows that writing down and sharing your goals leads to better chances of success. A study of 267 individuals spanning ages 23 to 72 showed that those who wrote down their goals and shared them with a friend were 33% more likely to achieve them than those who didn’t write them down or share them. Why? The field of neuroscience points to two phenomena - “external storage” and “encoding.” External storage is exactly what it sounds like - you’re storing information from your brain externally in a place where you can see it and are thus reminded of it more easily, making it less likely to forget. Encoding is about etching something into your brain so you remember it better, and when you write something down, you’re able to do so more effectively. As for sharing your goals, there’s research that shows accountability also improves your chances. One study led by the Association for Talent Development points to a probability of 65% chance of success when you share your goal commitment with someone else. 

But be careful…

I guess what we’re trying to say is… manifesting can work. But attributing your success to manifesting alone is incomplete. In fact, one study out of NYU found that fantasizing about losing weight led to less weight loss (the same was shown about dreaming about academic success and worse grades). The reason was attributed to confusing dreams with reality and thus not acknowledging existing hurdles or creating a plan for overcoming them. The same goes with “lucky-girl syndrome”, which took TikTok by storm last year. It’s important to acknowledge that some of our success is attributable to luck - just being born into certain circumstances absolutely puts you ahead in life. But focusing too much on luck or universal forces can distract you from the most important force in your life - you. 

Manifesting some things can work, but only when coupled with intrinsic motivation. In other words, you have to do something to make it happen. You can’t just wish for a husband to appear without going on dates, or dream of landing the perfect job without networking and submitting applications. Employing positive thinking and putting your goals out there is associated with higher rates of success, but not without doing the work. 

Let us know what you think by voting in our poll and leaving an anonymous comment.

  💭 Our two cents

When you look at pop culture, it at least seems like more women than men practice manifesting. And research points to that being true, with women buying into New Age beliefs more than men. There’s no real answer as to why, and it’s probably a combination of things from women starting to increasingly reject organized religion, to women reporting higher levels of life satisfaction, to marketing stunts. Or maybe it’s because for so long, we’ve been told that our success can’t possibly be attributed to us alone. Or on a more positive note, we’ve realized that we do have control over our lives and we do have the power to change whatever predisposed fate we were handed. Regardless, I like to think of the manifestation movement as mostly a positive one - because more women believing in ourselves certainly isn’t a bad thing. 

However, my thoughts on manifesting are nuanced. I think there’s some truth to it that goes back to the sentiment that if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? But on the other hand, I don’t buy into the idea that thoughts alone have the power to tilt universal forces. Do crazy unexplainable things happen? Of course. And sometimes I wonder if there’s someone or something up there pulling strings. But for the most part, I don’t love the idea that manifesting sometimes causes people to take a step back in their lives and let the universe do its thing vs. putting active effort into making those things happen.

I also think we should give ourselves more credit. To me, attributing our good fortune and success to a higher power discredits our own hard work. Sure, I believe in luck. But I also think a huge part of manifesting is convincing ourselves, sometimes against all odds, that we can and we will accomplish the thing. Living in a society where it can sometimes feel like many things are  working against us, I like to think that manifesting is our way of introducing a healthy dose of optimism that’s required to push forward. 

So when I get that dream job in the women’s health space later this year, will I have manifested it? Sure. But did I also work my ass off to make it happen? You betcha. 

 ✅ You should also know…

📕The Secret: I’ve had this book on my must-read list for years, and now I feel like it’s time to see what it’s all about. 

✨Landing:  Channel your inner middle school girl and create a digital mood board with Landing for a fun way to do something creative while also avoiding the scroll hole of IG/TikTok. 

👂No Stupid Questions: Want to dive deeper into the research? Check out this research-filled podcast episode from No Stupid Questions (a Freakonomics podcast) about whether you can really “manifest” success. 

💃 The girls have spoken

Last week we came right out and asked it: do you want to have kids? And the results are in: 14% of you are already mothers – you’re amazing! – 38% of you definitely plan to be, 32% of you aren’t certain but lean towards yes, and 16% of you either doubt it, plan not to be, or are very unsure. Believe it or not, this lines up almost perfectly with national statistics: roughly 85% of American women aged 40-49 (i.e. at or nearly at the end of their childbearing years) have had a biological child.

But beyond the numbers, last week’s newsletter sparked so many important conversations and comments from you all. It was a reminder of just how many external opinions and pressures are coming at us from all angles on this topic. While those of us who may not want to have children might constantly hear phrases like "you'll change your mind" or "you're too young to decide," those of us who want to or already do have children are told “you can do so much more with your life” or “you should want more for yourself." (And next time someone tells you one of those things, just imagine us telling them to kindly keep their opinions to themselves for you…). But in all seriousness, we know just how easy it can be to feel like you’re doing something wrong, like you can’t win. But remember that not only are you not not alone in feeling this way about your own situation, but that so many women in the opposite situation experience the inverse fears and doubts, too. No matter what you choose, you will never be able to make everyone else happy with that choice. So just start by trying to make yourself happy.

As a few of you insightfully pointed out, the decision of whether to have or not have children is not one that needs to be made overnight. Reflecting on a choice as big as this one is supposed to take time. And the earlier you start thinking about it, the less likely it is to sneak up on you and the less pressure you’ll likely feel when the time does finally come to make the call – with your partner or on your own. Another helpful suggestion one reader gave us is that you don’t have to think about the choice as a purely binary decision. There is an infinite space of possible outcomes between that of a single, childfree, independent working woman and a married stay-at-home mother of four. And there are many ways to break down something that seems as big and scary as having kids into smaller pieces that are easier to wrap your mind around: what stage of your life might make the most sense to have kids? How many kids might be right for you? How would you and your partner plan to balance parenting? And for all of these questions, in case it doesn’t go without saying, it’s okay for you to change your mind. Situations change, lives change, we change. So, remember to give yourself some grace. <3

💌 Up Next

That’s all for today! If you liked this edition of Not That Personal, we think one of your friends probably will too – refer one (or two or three) below. ;)

Have something to say? We’d love to hear it – reply to this email or leave an anonymous comment here :) 

Up next: So…can age gaps really work in a relationship?

💖 S & J